The pit of despair moment I got clear about what I had to do!

I was talking with my coach today and reflecting on one particular pivotal moment of despair I had that changed everything for me – and as a result, I got clear about what I had to do!

So ok, I might be being a little overdramatic when I call it the pit of despair, but right at that moment it really felt like it to me. So here I will explain…….

Previously, I had been working in one particular job for nearly a year. I’d been contacted by the company to see if I wanted to join. There were big changes ahead for them and potential development opportunities for me. I was like “How amazing to be asked personally! Why not?”. But over time I became increasingly unhappy and frustrated. The job was demanding in many ways, there were divided visions and the progression promised wasn’t materialising. Slowly my fire for it distinguished.

Even so, I was still pretending everything was fine…..

During the work days, I tried to be my fairly preppy self but come the evenings and weekend I was just deflated. And come Sunday evening I had that hurricane in the pit of my stomach about going back in again Monday morning.

I really struggled to explain to those around me what was going on. To others all they could see was the job paid well, the people were lovely (and they were) and I’d not been there that long so I just needed more time, blah blah blah.

What was emerging and I was beginning to see was I wanted more for myself. I did know I fed up with coasting and only stepping forward when it felt comfortable or when others decided for me. I knew I had more to give, more of my own potential to see. But I brushed it off though as I wasn’t really sure what my real problem was, it wasn’t clear what this actually meant in reality.

Then one Sunday, the Sunday that made everything that clear…..

We had been to James’ (my other half) parents in London, we’d had a lovely afternoon with them and then it came time to drive home. I was driving. As we were talking in the car, something was said that made me start thinking about it being Monday the next day and then the tears started! In fact, I was sobbing. I was sobbing my heart out. I had no control over it. It was as if my heart was breaking and the tears were showing that.

At this point, James was getting a little concerned as I was still driving down the motorway at 70mph. He asked if I wanted to stop. But I said “No I’ve got it – I needed to be control of something!” because at that point I couldn’t control the tears.

We started to talk it through, as much as I could make any sense through all the sobbing and snot. I started to realise I was scared of feeling empty and lost forever. I was afraid of missing out on what more my life might have to offer or of finding something that has greater meaning for me.

So it was during this car journey home that I decided I was going to quit the job and fully commit to having my own business and being my own boss – something I knew I wanted to do for many, many years but told myself “I could never do that!”. I knew that at first, I could at least do this as a personal trainer – I was already doing the qualifications on the side as a bit of a hobby.

And with that, I immediately had a wonderful sense of wonder and curiosity about where else it could lead me. By making this one decision it was like I’d given myself permission to be who I was meant to be. It’s so hard to describe in words but the shift was just insane.

And like James was there beside me through this vulnerable but pivotal moment, I am there for my clients supporting them as they are discovering what they need to about themselves, their lives and the steps they want to take.

If you like this you might like the post about the “I’m not good enough” gremlin. This one can be a real stickler for many, including myself! 

As always, I welcome any comments and in particular I’d love to hear about any ‘aha’ moments you might have had from reading this.

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You are awesome, your dreams are awesome and you definitely need to feel true and be you!

 

Much 💜

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AND here’s just a little reminder of what I do…

I work with female entrepreneurs and business owners who want to build their dream businesses!
I will help you get clear on what you need to do, how you’ll do it and keep you on track. You’ll give self-doubt the elbow, saying bye to overwhelm and hello to assertive action. Saving you time, effort and energy!
STRATEGY, ACTION & ACCOUNTABILITY = THE BUSINESS YOU LOVE WITH LESS HUSTLE! 💓

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