I recently conducted a small, not terribly scientific, survey called ‘Being YOU’, asking about being your true, authentic self, and pushed it out through Facebook.
I was curious about one of the question in particular. The question “When do you feel you can be truly yourself?”
I’d listed nine options from which people could choose all those that were relevant to them. These ranged from being on your own, being with family, being with colleagues to being where no one knows you.
The answers that appeared most often to the question “When do you feel you can be truly yourself?” were ‘with your partner’, ‘with your children’, ‘with your family’ and ‘with your friends’.
As I was looking at this the phrase ‘unconditional love’ came to me.
It’s within these groups that there tends to be unconditional love; these are the people that will love us with no caveats, no judgement – it’s from a place of wanting the best for us.
I wonder, is it that when we feel this unconditional love from others we will feel more at ease to be our true selves around them?
Do you think this is true? I’d love to share your thoughts…..
I then looked at which answer came up the least. The least chosen to the question “When do you feel you can be truly yourself?” was “Where you are not known”.
My immediate thought was “that seems odd, surely not knowing anyone should actually open up the door for us to just be ourselves, because, well, no one would know any different.”
But then, as I thought about it, this is possibly one of the situations where the internal critic shows up for so many, and likely because unconditional love and connection isn’t immediately available to us.
And actually I can completely relate to this. Where I’ve been feeling less my true self in a place where no one knows me.
In January I moved to Cowes on the Isle of Wight. The only person I knew was my other half.
I wanted so much to find my own way and create an abundant existence in this new place – new place, new opportunities and all that – but actually initially I hid away.
I personally found it a challenge to integrate and do the things here that I took for granted before.
The fear of judgement and not being accepted or liked, brought forward by my own inner critic, meant it took me so much longer than I thought it would to do simple things I wanted, like join the gym, go to the local yoga class, sit in the local coffee shop to work or talk about what I do etc – all things that help to me be my authentic self and express my true nature.
My inner voice found plenty of excuses why I should stay inside and not be seen. I was OK, I had plenty of people on the end of my phone, Facebook and email. But this ultimately made me feel unsuccessful, isolated, sad and annoyed that I wasn’t living the life I wanted for myself here on the island.
I found it a real eye opener that in a place where no one knew me I wanted to hide away more. So what was missing?
Face to face connection, and with that love.
What I had to do was push aside my fear of judgement and of not being liked to be able to make that personal connection with the community I’ve moved in to.
Pushing past our self placed blockers is fundamental to moving towards what we really want for ourselves. It won’t feel easy or smooth and it may take time but the rewards will, no doubt in my mind, out weight all the effort and discomfort. It’s happening here for me and it will there for you too, wherever you need to be seen to fulfil your dreams.
Connect in that place where no one knows you, they soon will and they will love you!
Leave me a comment below with what’s come up for you from this post, I love to hear from you.
If you need to come out from hiding to connect with your community but need help pushing past your nay say internal voice then book in for a free Skype call to find out how coaching could help you.