You loathe criticism, am I right?
You hate the feeling of being inadequate that comes with it, true?
Being criticised is so hard to take……
But I ask you…… when was the last time someone else criticised you?
And then when was the last time you criticised yourself?
I can pretty much 100% guarantee you have been your own biggest, most persistent critic!
I would put money on it that your inner critic is much harsher on you than anyone else is or would be…..
“Who do you think you are?”
“What makes you think you can do that?”
“You’re not what they’re looking for!”
Any of these sound familiar in your internal dialogue with yourself?
And the thing to realise is that it affects how you feel and how you behave.
Now, I believe to be able to stand firm when experiencing external criticism (I will explore this further in a future post) you first need to get a handle on your biggest critic – YOU!
And this is especially important if you’re wanting to change things up in your life – your health, relationships, work/career, finances – whatever it may be.
Your inner critic can really impact your intention to create that change or taking positive risks – to the point that you won’t, don’t or aren’t doing it!
But, you don’t have to be a victim of your own verbal abuse.
And here is what you do:
1. Notice the voice and its messages.
It’s estimated that you have around 60,000 thoughts per day. That’s 60,000 chances to either build yourself up or tear yourself down. Learning to recognize your thought patterns is key to understanding how your thinking affects your life.
You’re so used to hearing your own narration that it’s easy to become oblivious to the messages you’re giving yourself. Start paying close attention to your thoughts and you may discover that you call yourself names or talk yourself out of doing things that are hard.
Write what it’s saying down, first in the 1st person and then in the 2nd so you can start to separate it from you, and also notice what or who these voices sound like.
2. Dial down the volume.
When it seems to be on repeat because you’re doing, or thinking of doing something that seems to trigger your inner critic, find an activity that will temporarily distract you from it playing on loop in your head.
Go for a walk, call a friend to talk about a different subject, or tackle a project you’ve been putting off. But refuse to listen to your brain beat you up.
3. Examine the evidence.
It’s important to examine the evidence before you believe your thoughts.
If you think, “I’m going to embarrass myself if I do this…..” pause for a minute. Take out a piece of paper and write down all the evidence that indicates that is true. Then, list all the evidence that it’s not.
Looking at the evidence on both sides can help you look at the situation a little more rationally and less emotionally. Reminding yourself that your thoughts aren’t 100% true can give you a boost in confidence.
4. Replace the negative thoughts with realistic statements.
When you recognize that your negative thoughts aren’t completely true, try replacing your statements with something more realistic. If you think, “I’m not got enough at this,” a good replacement statement might be, “If I work hard and I keep investing in myself, I will improve.” You don’t need to develop unrealistically positive statements, keep them realistic.
5. What’s the advice you’d give to a friend?
We find it much easier to be compassionate toward other people. While you might call yourself stupid for making a mistake, it’s unlikely you’d say that to a loved one.
When you’re doubting your ability to succeed, ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend?” Then, offer yourself those kind, wise words.
6. Balance self-improvement with self-acceptance.
There’s a difference between telling yourself that you’re not good enough and reminding yourself that there’s room for improvement. Accept your flaws for what they are right now while committing to doing better in the future. Although it sounds a bit counterintuitive, you can do both simultaneously.
Taking charge of your inner critic will bring you more peace, acceptance and confidence.
If you found this helpful you can also download my FREE Self-Doubt Cheat Sheet for handy tips to squish that pesky self-doubt when you need to!
P.S. Know somebody who needs to see this? Give ’em a helping hand by sharing this with them.
AND here’s just a little reminder of what I do…
I work with female entrepreneurs and business owners who want to build their dream businesses!
I will help you get clear on what you need to do, how you’ll do it and keep you on track. You’ll give self-doubt the elbow, saying bye to overwhelm and hello to assertive action. Saving you time, effort and energy!
STRATEGY, ACTION & ACCOUNTABILITY = THE BUSINESS YOU LOVE WITH LESS HUSTLE! 💓
So, whenever you’re ready, here are ways I can help you:
- Like my Facebook page. I share some awesome content there.
- Sign up for my mail list – you’ll get a dose of actionable wisdom and inspiration, from my heart and from my experience of business and life, straight to your inbox every Wednesday.
On signing up you will also get my hacks for squishing self-doubt as you go for your big dreams….. Fill in the form at the bottom!
- Work with me 1:1 – Business Start Coaching – Kick-Start Your Business and Entrepreneur Business Coaching – Reclaim Your Business. I also offer accountability coaching on a month by month basis – contact me if you would like more information about this.
- Join my group coaching programme for purpose-driven new and wannabe entrepreneurs who are ready to grow their wings and fly the nest and save time and energy and build their business with ease – click here to receive more info.
I love this work!